The God Who Sees Me
It was a steamy July afternoon and my mind was racing with negative thoughts that I knew were not true but they felt very real at the time. “you are alone”, “you don’t have a voice”, “Does God really love you?”. I could go on, but you get the point. I decided I needed to take a break from the hustle of daily life and get away from the noise so I got in the car and went for a drive. As the fresh air began to make its way into the car and I inhaled the sweet scent of summer hay fields, my mind began to clear. My destination was a giant field of sunflowers that were freshly in bloom and surprisingly, I was the only one there when I arrived. As I began to walk into the fields, observing the brilliant colors of the sunflowers around me, I became increasingly aware of how expansive the property was and despite being the only person around for miles, I no longer felt alone.
I began to see the fingerprints of God in the petals of the sunflowers and in the brilliance of the summer sky. It was as if Jesus Himself was whispering to me, “I will never leave you or abandon you” (Joshua 1:5, Deuteronomy 31:6). He was reminding me that even in the middle of a giant field of flowers, where I thought I was all alone, He saw me, He heard me, and He was right there with me. In that moment, new thoughts began to fill my mind replacing the lies that had previously attempted to attack my identity in Christ. Instead, it was as if a storyline was playing out before me reminding me of who I truly was and awakening me to the love that surrounded me that I could never outrun and never lose. These are the words that began to fill my mind and I quickly wrote them down:
Breathless I come to a stop. Looking over my shoulder, my eyes begin to see.
Running, running, I’ve been running so long. Oh God the distance I have run yet I have gone nowhere at all.
In all the running and striving, searching and hiding, it never occurred to me you are what I have been looking for. The melody of my heart’s most true song.
How could I have missed it? Why didn’t I see? All along you have pursued me as I pushed you away.
You never stopped chasing me. You never let go. Patiently whispering, knocking, loving, waiting.
All this time. It’s always been you.
I begin to awaken to reality. I see it now like fog evaporating from in front of a mirror.
You are the God who sees me, El Roi.
You are the God who hears me, El Shama.
The lover of my soul and object of my heart’s deepest desire.
Jesus its always been you.
After I finished writing down the words that were flooding my mind, I was reminded of the story of Hagar the slave girl and mother of Ishmael, who many Muslims believe to be the father of Islam. (Genesis 16:1-16, 21:8-21). I cannot fully relate to Hagar’s plight and how hopeless, alone and expendable she must have felt being cast out into the wilderness to fend for herself and her son, but most of us have felt alone, unheard or unseen at some point in our lives. I was reminded of her words in Genesis 16:13, “You are the God who sees me,” “I have now seen the one who sees me” and I was comforted by the truth that it didn’t matter where I am, what has happened to me or even what I have done, God is with me and He sees me.
Hagar’s story is more than that of a slave girl and her son. Hagar is not just the mother of Ishmael, as she is seen in Islamic doctrine, but rather, she is beloved in the eyes of Creator God who calls her by name (Genesis 16:8). Her story is a reminder that this same God knows each of us and calls us by name as well. He is a God who sees and hears us in the middle of our troubles, whether big or small. He is a God who sympathizes with our pain, our heartbreak and our failure (Psalm 34:18). He is the God who offers hope for those who have no earthly hope, who have been abused or abandoned.
He is El Roi the God who sees us (Genesis 16:13).
He is El Shama the God who hears (Psalm 17:6).
He is Jesus Christ, Immanuel, God with us (Isaiah 7:14, Matthew 1:23).
Have you ever felt alone, unseen or unheard? I encourage you to rest in the Truth that regardless of what you may have been taught or even what you may believe in this moment, you are never really alone. Despite failure, heartbreak, or painful experiences life may bring, you are seen and there is a Love available that can bring peace to the raging storms of life (1 Peter 5:7), a Love that is always there with us even if we are running away (Psalm 139:7-8).